The 7 worst types of house guests!

When I visit other people's houses/flats I always wonder what kind of a roomie I would be after. This led me to think about what different kinds of people there are out there? I did some research and have determined a few categories of humans, which you can expect to stay with you, or visit your pad a few times a week.

I am still living at the nest in Camps Bay and don’t think I will move out until I am wealthy enough to ensure that mayonnaise and, maybe a drop of T sauce is the only thing in my fridge… Luckily Bavaria and I are good mates, so beers are always a given 😉 When I visit other people’s houses/flats I always wonder what kind of a roomie I would be after. This led me to think about what different kinds of people there are out there? I did some research and have determined a few categories of humans. These are the dudes which you can expect to stay with you, or visit your pad a few times a week. When you are done please comment and let us know which character you most represent, because I can instantly assign one of my mates to each role 😉

The Slob:

I can already picture my good mates face on this shot...

We all know a cat like this. He is still confused what to do with his clothes, food, towels, condoms, ciggy buts, supper and any other echo-lie that follows in his wake. He is more than happy to pass out on the couch, with his Primi bolognese on his lap, a full ashtray beside him and some old flat Coke assisting his parched bek! He is the worst kind of bra to live with and will make your every nightmare come true. The funny thing is these Muppet’s always seem to end up with belters on their arm?

The Guy Who Never Leaves:

He ain't go-ing nowhere!

This special guy arrived when the Apartheid ended in a search of new horizons and a maybe even a job… If he has some morals deep down he will help with the cleaning and stuff, in order to keep his ‘home safe and secure’. If you get one of the lazy ones, it’s over! No matter what you say, the answer will be later or when I can and he will probably rape your children if you ask him to contribute to the rent. Your fridge is probably divided into sections, where he has his very own space, fulled with cereal and whatever else he desires and could get from his parentals place. I sometimes see myself being this guy, when my blog is not being updated and I feel like ‘dropping out’ for a couple of days… Obviously the nice guy version that cleans up and doesn’t mind popping down to the shop for some chilli stix 😉

The Klepto:

This oke is the end...Also got one of these in the crew unfortunately!

This mun en mun lives for pocketing any sort of stray objects around the place. I know from my group of mates that this particularly pertains to lighters, sections, airtime and worst of all FOOD! Many a time I have looked back to where my take aways once lay gracefully, only to find that they were slewed by one of the crew members. The saying goes: once a thief, always a thief. I suggest you filter this oke out of your future, otherwise his name might end up replacing yours on your family will/lease agreement and your reserved parking bay 😉

The Emo:

Emotional wrecks are the end!!!

This mug always has something to talk and complain about. Whether it has to do with him/her, their family, friends, a chick that axed them, the truth is they never shut up! They come into the room with a frown on their face and red eye sockets (from weeping, not reefer) that only tell about 100 000 words about their sad, sad life. Hide the razor blades, methylated spirits, sleeping pills and anything dangerous, because you never know when this emotional wreck might just have had enough of this realm… Oh and if he wears skinny jeans, a vest, has a side/front path and looks ‘alternative’, this is not the emotional wreck I am referring to 😉

The Player/Slayer:

A true Jigalo.

This brother thinks that your couch, spare bed, house is a brothel. He always looks to charm the squeeza’s with your setup. He markets your apartment, your plasma and your success off to the whole club, in an attempt to lure one of the poor specimens back to the lair. Trust me, he is successful more than 50% and can even get praise from his mate/home owner if he brings home a spare squeeza for him to open 😉 I am sure all of you that know me can think of one specific person for this role, any guesses?

The Poker Bots:

There is a face behind the alias 😉


The pokes manne have turned into quite a big part of Cape Town lifestyle. Nothing is different with this oke, except that he thinks it is normal to earn a percentage off all of your winnings. I must admit I have done this recently, providing an opportunity for a player, in return for a small % kick back. Yes, I know I am a scurreler, but that music is nothing new to my ears 😉 Let’s see how far these guys sitting on the fence, using other peoples rolls to make an income last when Piggs and Silver Sands closes down. Personally I hope that is not the case, as many of my mates make an income through poker and I would hate to see some of them do their lives on Dollar sites!

4 Responses to “The 7 worst types of house guests!” Subscribe

  1. Paul November 12, 2010 at 11:18 am #

    haha nice topic
    Def non of these okes!
    but prob closest to the nice guy who never leaves?..if we shared a place rekon u would def divide that fridge!

    • Mr. Cape Town November 13, 2010 at 4:52 pm #

      hahaha well with the sharks around, no food is safe boy 😉

  2. Alice Alice November 12, 2010 at 4:51 pm #

    Me and George couldn’t quite decide on which one to choose for Calvi 😉
    What a lag, nice one Dyl.

    • Mr. Cape Town November 12, 2010 at 5:13 pm #

      HAHAHAHA thanks sweet thing. Are we playing this weekend?

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